


Like, Russian

by songs_of_the_moon



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Pet Names, impromptu geography lesson, stereotypically ignorant Americans, the food is people (but that's not really important to the story)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-03
Updated: 2014-03-03
Packaged: 2018-01-14 10:41:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1263253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songs_of_the_moon/pseuds/songs_of_the_moon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hannibal is foreign in the most endearing (and obnoxious) way possible, and Will's students aren't as bright as one might hope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like, Russian

“I heard he was, like, Russian,” Jessica Bennett whispers to her companions.

“Have you, like, heard him talk? He’s totally Russian,” Grace Morrison agrees. Hunter Greene and Amanda Sharpe nod their agreement. 

At the front of the lecture hall Will Graham stands beside the projected image of a murder victim, the latest handiwork of the Chesapeake Ripper. The lecture is winding down for the day. He doesn’t ask for questions, but one is asked anyway: “How come you never caught him?” The impertinent inquiry comes from an over-zealous criminal justice major with a crush on Graham that is not quite as well hidden as she thinks it is.

For a moment, Graham is silent—perhaps he hasn’t heard her, perhaps he’s ignoring her. Finally, though, he says, “Real life isn’t like Pokémon.” There is confused silence until he adds, “You can’t ‘catch’em all’.” A titter spreads through the room as the students pack up their things and begin to filter out. 

Five minutes previously, Hannibal Lecter had slipped in unnoticed. He now stands at the back of the room, waiting for it to empty. When three-quarters of the students have gone (a carefully calculated figure), he approaches Graham. 

“Good morning, mielasis,” he says, accent rich in his voice and thick as honey over the unfamiliar word.

“Should it worry me that you won’t tell me what that means?” Graham smiles up at Lecter with no animosity; this is a familiar game.

“Of course not, širdele.” Lecter smiles back.

“Go ask him,” Amanda hisses, elbowing Jessica in the ribs.

“No way! You do it, since you’re so curious,” Jessica shoots back.

A few more seconds of whispered arguing follow, only stopped when Lecter and Graham begin making for an exit. 

“I’ll go ask him,” Hunter volunteers, bolting to his feet. The girls follow as he approaches the object of their fascination. “Hey, uh, excuse me.”

Lecter and Graham both turn to look at him, the latter carefully putting on his ‘professor’ face.

“Are you, like, Russian?”

They both simply stare at him for a moment until Lecter clears his throat and says, as politely as he can muster, “Ah, no.”

Hunter looks at them blankly, long enough that Graham feels compelled to add, “He’s Lithuanian.”

“But isn’t that, like, part of Russia?” Grace asks.

Graham sighs audibly. “No, Lithuania is not part of Russia.”

“But, it totally is,” Grace insists. “Isn’t it?” Her companions express their agreement.

“Historically, Lithuania has been a Russian satellite. However, it is now an independent nation,” Lecter corrects with admirable patience.

“Satellite? Like, in space?” Jessica is even more confused than before, as are her companions.

Lecter grinds his teeth. “No.” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. After exactly five seconds, he exhales and opens them again. Unfortunately, Jessica and her friends are still there.

“Perhaps a map might be helpful,” Graham suggests, fighting laughter. Lecter shoots him a glare, but pulls his phone from his pocket.

After a quick Google search, he turns the screen to show the gaggle of students. “This,” he points, “is Lithuania. This,” he points again, “is Russia.”

“They don’t even share a border,” Graham adds helpfully.

Jessica and the others look confused. “I thought it, like, got broken up into a bunch of smaller countries.”

“Yeah, like, into, like, Slovakia and Bosnia,” Hunter adds.

Graham frowns. “I think you’re thinking of Yugoslavia, although I’m not sure how you got Slovakia mixed up into all this.”

“Confusion between Slovakia and Slovenia?” Lecter suggests.

Graham sighs again. “Probably.”

“Are you, like, sure you’re not Russian?” Amanda asks, a touch indignantly.

Graham laughs aloud at the absurdity of the question.

“I am absolutely certain,” Lecter says slowly, enunciating each word with exaggerated care, “that I am not Russian.”

Amanda and friends still look dubious, but they accept the response enough to leave, still whispering amongst themselves.

“Given the apparent state of the American educational system, it is remarkable that you emerged unscathed,” Lecter says as he watches the students go, slipping an arm around Graham’s waist.

“Very,” Graham agrees dryly, and Lecter laughs.

“There is a part of Russia that borders Lithuania, though,” Lecter adds.

“Yeah, I know, but I thought pointing that out would only have confused the conversation further.” Graham leans into the taller man’s side.

“My exact reasoning for leaving that out,” Lecter agrees. “Shall we leave, then, meilužis? I have all of the preparation complete for a lovely brunch; the only work left to be done is a few minutes’ cooking time.”

“Are you ever going to tell me what those words mean?” Graham walks as he speaks, heading toward the parking lot and Lecter’s kitchen and the promise of food.

Lecter laughs. “Where would be the fun in that, mylimasis?”

**Author's Note:**

> So, I know I ought to've been working on Northern Downpour, but when real life happens, it happens all at once and shows no mercy. It's a little like getting hit by a train when you didn't even know you were standing on the tracks. 
> 
> This is the first thing I've written in a while that made me happy, so I decided to post it to prove that I haven't gone and died, or anything similarly unpleasant.
> 
> Gratuitous Lithuanian is gratuitous. They're all just pet names. If anyone who actually speaks Lithuanian spots any errors, please point them out; I'm always willing to learn.


End file.
